The day you were destined to come into this world you decided you couldn't wait. You were born early but not the way I wanted, you were still born. This week if you had of lived, you would have turned twenty, but it wasn't to be this way ordained by fate

Still until this very day, your fate I mourn.Always a whole in my heart, an ache in my arms, for babes that were lost. Lost because of hypertension, definitely not a friend but a much dreaded foe. My heart, my very being ended up paying a tremendous cost.

Five more children suffered the same fate as you, I try to dry my tears, but they still continue to flow.Your brothers and sisters were lost to miscarriage, unlike them, I got to hold you. Just like any mother, I inspected everything including your fingers and toes. You unlike the others, you were a solid reality real, my baby, I ended up playing a overwhelming dues

Losing all of you, I will never except the fact that's the way things go.But you, I held you, when I said hello I also had to say good bye.

Twenty years have passed since then but there remains a whole in my heart. In reality the holes in my heart number five plus one, I still find no answers to the question of why. With each of you when you went so my heart divided into six painful parts.The disease almost took my life just as it took yoursI would have gladly die, if it meant that any of you could livedI feel so guilty because you never had a chance, if only for my disease there could have been a cure.

If there had been maybe some of you would have lived. But you, my Heather, I held you, inspected you, you were a reality, I held you after you died.